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Political Satire
Trump Has Plans to Buy Greenland
“It’s very green,” he quipped
Greenland is, in fact, for sale, and President Trump has been its number-one fanboy for years. The only reason why he hasn’t been able to close the deal is because of those pesky Danes and their stubborn insistence on holding onto their colony. But Trump refuses to give up hope, and he’s now decided to send a message by selecting Ken Howery as his ambassador to Copenhagen. Ken, who used to work as an envoy to Sweden (which, let’s face it, is basically just Denmark with better food), has been tasked with the mission of convincing the Danish government to let go of Greenland.
While the Danes might initially put up a fight, they won’t be able to resist once Trump pulls out his secret weapon: a super-duper medal that he invented just for this occasion. The medal, which is made of solid gold and studded with diamonds, will be presented to the Danish Prime Minister as a symbol of friendship and respect.
But the catch is that the Danes will have to sign over Greenland to the United States if they want to keep it. And, let’s be honest, who wouldn’t want to get their hands on a place where you can fish for cod and watch icebergs float by simultaneously?
As for Greenlanders themselves, they’re just happy to know that someone is finally taking an interest in their homeland. Sure, they might lose their independence and become subject to American rule, but at least they’ll have Trump Tower Greenland, which is sure to become the hottest new luxury resort destination this side of Disney World.
Mike Scarpiello 2024
